I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
