ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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