Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
