HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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