Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We left the knife in your bed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
