like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
