party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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