Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
