she looked like the before picture.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
