Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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