Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
