She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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