well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
