Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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