What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is classic penis vs brain.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
