I'm lost and stupid without you.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
