There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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