my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
