I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
