Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
