Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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