I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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