Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
