i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
