I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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