At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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