2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
