So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
