how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
