her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize