Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
