Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
