There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
