you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My ass is underappreciated
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
