I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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