let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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