Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
