im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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