We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I haven't been this sober since birth.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
