We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
