Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize