Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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