She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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