Princesses don't give blow jobs
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
