Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i think im in europe. pls send help
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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