i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
