I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize