now i know why i became what i already was.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
