I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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