And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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