First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize