I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
