Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
