Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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