Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
