I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wear drunk well.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
