i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
