Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
