you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize