Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
