Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize