She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
