i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
