Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
love makes seman taste better
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
