So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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