Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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