Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize