You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
