I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
