Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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