If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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