just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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