Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just pee around me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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