I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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