Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
