physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
