and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
