I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
