Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
