I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
