Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
